Eat It. 

I’ve always been a believer that no girl should feel so shitty about herself that she resorts to drastic diets or eating disorders. I’ve never looked at another woman and thought ‘you’re fat’, ‘your ugly’ or ‘step away from the chocolate’… not until yesterday.

Girls embrace your curves, or embrace your hip bones, embrace you no matter how big or small. I’ve always stood by that. But I made the mistake of going out in white and of course it was new years Eve so drinks were flowing enough for me to relax 100% and (apparently) call a bald guy voldermort!! I have just finished reading The Cursed Child so I shall use this as my excuse to harshly call a bloke He Who Should Not Be Named…

Anyway this guy later got kicked out because he upset bar staff (so sorry not sorry) and my stomach muscles gave up on holding my gut in that deceiving manner. And white… white is not good … white is not forgiving… white does not care… white does not help you out! I was beached whale  (and according to photos wearing some other girls bra on top of this white devil top) I was drunk beached whale, that very same whale that wishes cameras were banned and woke up the next day cursing the ease of sharing such incriminating evidence on social media.

Yes loyal readers this is another one of my blog posts where I’m in the bath … hence all the whale references. I may have tried speaking whale but I think I may have insulted my self in such a way that would make any killer whale blush! I used to be slim, I used to be able to rock body fitting dresses without people assuming I’m smuggling half of the sofa out with me, I used to look in a mirror and think hot damn that ex let away a tasty piece of ass! AND I used to be able to lay in the bath and have 2 perky island poking out of the water with Lord nipped and president nipped cheering me on… now I have two nipples pointing at the giant continent that has been growing for 5 years and screaming in terror at the thing that is taking over. They are actually wishing for melting polar ice caps right now. This much land is un natural!

I’ve known I’m over weight for a while, I’m not denying the fact the wii fit screams in terror everytime I step near it for my once in a blue moon weighing…

The worst part is it took me a hell of a long time to love myself, to get to a point where I didn’t care what everyone else thought as long as I was happy. In college (I was only just a healthy weight) I hated my shape and I tried to diet, I didn’t loose any weight (due to not having any to loose) so when my long term boyfriend broke up with me because I had gained ‘too much puppy fat for his liking’ I was devastated… I tried out bulimia and I failed, I binged on couscous and no matter how hard you try that stuff isn’t going anywhere once you’ve eaten it! So I resorted to not eating.  Then I met a guy who I thought liked me for me and eventually started eating… it wasn’t an ease myself in, it was a full on pig out session every other day. Which probably helped me getting to where I am now. Telling lord nipped I swear I want to help!

There is no fear of me resorting to old ways, like I said it’s taken far too much to get me to being ok! So here I am moaning, eating biscuits and flicking my belly to watch it wobble while waves are produced! I never do new years resolutions because I never stick to them longer than a week or a couple months at a push, so I’m not going to set this just because it’s the new year. I am in fact going to set this because I really like that devil top and I want to wear it again and I want to rock that top! But I’m sure as hell not going to rock it like this. So… I like food too much to diet, it’s an unrealistic thing for me to do, I know this because I have tried and failed multiple times. Curse you chocolate digestive that just fell into my mouth! But I am going to get back to working out. Yes I hear your ‘yeah right’ laughter but I will… because I’m a sad whale and I at least want to be a slightly happy seal!


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