Joys of Being Female

The one time I had perfect flicky hair ... and no where to go!
The one time I had perfect flicky hair … and no where to go!

Many blogs or social sites are filled with lists of female orientated things. ’20 things a woman says that mean something else’ or ’10 things a woman never fails to notice lads’ or something else obnoxious and most likely not entirely true. So I decided to do my own take on the trending lists. Warning – will be drenched with sarcasm, I started early and flooded the title with that cynical sarcastic tone! Joys? Pah!

The joys of getting ready for … well anything!

Society has such a huge expectation of women, going to the supermarket we will get judged or tuts if we decide to go straight from the gym in our joggers and t-shirt, heaven forbid we forget to brush our hair and chuck it in a scrunchy! What’s even worse is most tuts and ‘looks’ come from the same sex! Girls are mean, girls will laugh or bitch if you’re out without make-up covering that spot, if your clothes are too big (my too big clothes are the comfiest things ever!), in fact girls will find something! Even I’m guilty for it, often the thought ‘poor love looks rough’ has crossed my thought path… We’re all quick to judge.

Don’t get me started on nights out! Me and my girls have a photo framed of all of us dressed to the nines in the best fancy dress outfits and looking stunning and every time we look at it we question the lady in the backgrounds dress sense. We giggle about the fact her dress makes her look like a marshmallow flump. We were all in fancy dress so probably shouldn’t laugh! Poor Girl!

Flump, Gangster Scott, Indian Me, Wonder Woman Claire, Geek Chic Kayliegh, and on the floor Cave Lady Yana, and Minni Mouse Sam
Flump, Gangster Scott, Indian Me, Wonder Woman Claire, Geek Chic Kayliegh, Pete of which we can’t remember what he was dressed as and on the floor Cave Lady Yana, and Minni Mouse Sam

The pleasure of Beauty treatments…

I do most of my beauty regim myself without going to a salon due to my extremely patient parents (yes dad too) letting me practice on them throughout my childhood and teen years, I think I’m pretty good… well good enough for me!

Is this meant to burn!?
Is this meant to burn!?
Great more hair art after washing the hair - YUK!
Great more hair art after washing the hair – YUK!
As always ... Either ready crazy early or mega late!
As always … Either ready crazy early or mega late

Waxing! What is that? Self torture as you stare at the strip clinging onto your leg hairs, chewing your bottom lip, willing yourself to grow some balls and just rip it off! Only to rip so slowly that none of the leg hairs stay stuck to the strip!

And that sneaky moustache that sneaks onto your face every now and again for you to stare in the mirror contemplating bleach, wax or plucking or just screaming ‘furk it’ and grabbing the disposable leg razor sat on the side of the bath for those failed waxing attempts. Yes folks… I have tried and tested each method. Personally its a tweezers job after plucking the slug like brows to submission!

I love my nails and never feel fully dressed without a coat of colour, but how frustrating is it to have perfect nails and everyone states that purple nails just don’t go with that green dress… ok no one has ever stated that, but its how I feel with my nails! 😛

My Ingenious use of old shoe boxes!
My Ingenious use of old shoe boxes!

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See perfect nails… that knowing my luck will be chipped after drunkenly trying to put stiletto heals back on in the middle of the street!

Hair up? Hair down? Hair natural? Hair straight? Hair curled? Hair crimped? URGH! Hair red? Hair Brown? Hair Blonde? Hair purple? *insert frustrated girly squeal here.* It never looks how you intended anyway! You will not believe how many times I’ve attempted to straighten my fore head or curl my ears… freshly scabby is not a good night out look!

Okay I’m sorry fellas for this one! But Tampons… what! why? Honestly it takes me ten minutes of staring at a huge array of tampons/pads in the shops trying to work out what is right for me or what I had last time! Why are they made to look so pretty and fancy! End result aint so fancy so why do I need to pay extra for colourful wrapping!? AND why do we have to pay for these? It’s not like I chose to have this monthly burden or thoroughly enjoy myself in the process!

And on that note … there you have it my girly moans!

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5 thoughts on “Joys of Being Female

  1. Yay!! I love the cloudy sky nails 😀 And I wouldnt mind a peek inside your shoe boxes LOL
    An excellent post, my friend. I agree with you on so much of it. But just wait.. ..and invest in a really good pair of tweezers before you hit 40……because you still have the delights of pig bristles to look forward to. Pesky chin whiskers that can grow about 2ft in a night LOLxxx

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  2. My partners mum has made me promise that when she’s too old to pluck her own whiskers that I have to! Seems being a girly never really gets better lol!
    My shoe wardrobe is one of my partners annoyances I’m sure! I’m taking up valuable game and nerdy memorabilia storage space … I love shoes! Maybe I’ll do a shoe post for you! 😛
    xx

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