Well… maybe that technique is working for you and Hey Ho I’m not every girl, but I decided to offer some friendly advice before you hit the Friday night bars…
- surprisingly to most men I have found in my life, we do not have a magnet in our tongue that pulls us to yours that is only activated by your attempt at sexy smoldering eyes. You know the one, you look down with your head, eyes level with our mouths, pant and squint your eyes in a sort of drooly, doggy fashion as if returning from a heavy night at the vets. Yes we like puppies, no we do not enjoy desperation! However, If you’ve actually managed to master the Ryan Gosling of looks before kissing us, then we are not responsible for our actions!
- Oh! You bought me a drink without consulting with me first … I don’t like straight vodka, I don’t trust the possible chemicals added and I don’t automatically want to follow you home. Be brave and strike up a conversation first then maybe… I’ll follow you to the bar for a classy glass of Rose (or two!)
- Should you be lucky that the lovely lady sticks around long enough into a conversation for you to tell us your best joke, or do your best Wayne Rooney impression… and we don’t laugh, that is not your queue to manically laugh and punch us on the arm. We are not one of the lads. (Though stick with us long enough, a few years and we will happily be!)
- Do not stand there and insult everyone that walks past, chances are we have a friend that fits everyone of those categories. It’s not big, it’s not clever and it sure as hell ain’t funny!
- Oh you have a collection of 1st edition magic the gathering cards, a file full of all the possible Pokemon cards and all the star wars figurines… OK GET EM OUT!!! for me anyway… not a lot of girls are into that!
- No DEAR god! no! put your nipples away!
- Strike up a conversation, ask for a dance (tone down the creep factor as much as is possible, and only ask if you wont embarrass the girl with your flippy, floppy arms and stamping feet, and no running and sliding on your knees or airplane impressions … this is not a school disco!)
- OOOOhh muscles! Yes I can see them, stop flexing them and making your pecks dance and no, there is no way I will kiss it!
So, truth is we don’t actually know what we want from a man on that first encounter (don’t tell anyone, that’s a secret!)
Just be yourself and hope for the best, it’s what we do … with the occasional cleavage flash, but unfortunately for you boys you don’t have that power! Keep your pee pee in your pants, unleash that odd looking see monster only if we demand it!
Note: Never confuse drunk with promising!