My dad is one of my best friends and as a result poor dad has to deal with my girly outbursts. Moving into my own place means he gets this in the form of texts or frantic phone calls. Last night was a flappy text kind of night!
Me: John would have come home to a beautiful array of orange spice muffins … but turns out theirs cockroach type things living in the nutmeg jar… I found this out when the tiny f***ers tried to climb out of the sticky mixture and away from the whisk!!! 😥
Me: Never buying nut meg again!! Complaint to the supermarket will be written!
Dad: We had some things turn up in some flour once. Awful aint it? Slung them out and never had a problem since.
Dad: A new packet? OMG
(At this point I’m bouncing about the kitchen making ‘blurggghhh’ noises on repeat whilst throwing everything out.)
Me: Yep! new and sealed. Wasted eggs, half a jar of honey and the last of my orange syrups! I should have made a coffee cake! ICK!
Dad: Mum says it ought to go to trading standards, they could be some invasive species that shouldn’t be in the country.
(At this point I’m still bouncing, still making multiple ‘blurghhh’ noises and bleaching the kitchen counters and spice rack.)
Me: OMG BURNING THEM! I’ll see what the supermarket say then will probably take it further.
Dad: Lol! Squeamish you! 🙂 Seal them in a plastic bag, got to come from abroad. They will just credit you and keep quiet.
(At this point I have now turned the pre heating oven off and decided to check the flour just in case… after throwing all my spices in the outside bin. Flour bag was held at arms length and taken to the bin outside… more ‘blurrragghh’ noises!)
Me: No… Wait… upon further inspection they were flour bugs!!! Irk, not as bad but still!!
Dad: Ah we had them, was it a sealed bag?
Me: Now I’ve gone and thrown out a new jar of nutmeg! I’m giving up on cooking lol. It was sealed with one of those peg things, I’ll have to get a proper flour tub like yours!
Dad: Lol silly, made me laugh. Don’t want to worry you but our flour was in a sealed tupperware container.
Me: !!!! How many icky flour bug eggs have I eaten in my life!?
Dad: Don’t even go there! lol
(Further blurgghh noises and shivers, followed by a quick Google about flour bugs.)
Me: They’re called flour weevels! Why would creepy crawlies have such a cute name? 😦
Dad: Mum laughed at that. I still think its funny you called them cockroaches, they’re tiny things … lol
Me: I thought they were like gold fish and only grew as big as their home!!
Dad: What they have fins…? Lol.
At this point my pantry is getting bleached and all non tinned food thrown away. I didn’t want to take any chances!