I’m a lucky girl, I have many people in my life I class as heroes, angels and a regular breath of fresh air.
One of my angels is ill and she’s lost her internal flame, that thing that made her light up no matter what was going on, the thing that made her so, so bright in her loved ones darkest days. On top of her illness and her age she has depression to boot. Recovery since her Christmas morning rush to the hospital has been slow, with many ups and downs. I love her, and every day I have prayed to many Gods, (hopefully one will be listening!) and I will her to get better.
My Grandma always used to jingle, everything she did was accompanied by a metallic tune. Serving us kids ice creams ‘Jingle tinkle’, tending to our sore knees ‘tinkle jingle’. Everything came with a tune that was all her own. Until my 18th birthday, and the charm bracelet that hung round her wrist every day was given to me. Every beautiful charm to show her dads travels, and her lucky finds became mine and its one of my most cherished items.
I have done so much with Grandma, throughout my childhood she always took me and my cousins on day trips, bustled in her little car or snuggled up on a coach eating her mints. I have walked beautiful walks and learnt to appreciate my surroundings thanks to my Grandma. I will always remember stood on a little bridge crossing over a stream watching the ducks play, just laughing and care free with Grandma and my cousin Hannah. I hope she gets better soon so I can take her to a beautiful place.
All of my bargain shopping skills were learnt from the best, second hand was never old to my Grandma, to her it was brand new. Aiding charities she wouldn’t think twice about buying from the charity shops and filling our tummies on a budget was never an issue, she new exactly where to find a bargain! I hope she gets better soon so I can make her a full roast and take her round all her favorite shops.
I know she’s proud of all of her Grand kids, she tells us regularly how we came to this world, how we smiled at her as babies and how much she loves us. I’m proud of her too, of her patience, her commitment and how much she’s accomplished. Be it finishing a wardrobe full of knitted jumpers, still smiling through a divorce, a long healthy working life or even that ‘mmmmmmm’ noise that never fails to escape our mouths when we try her baking. I’m proud of her.
I wish I had made more time for her as I got older, instead of stressing over work deadlines and house cleaning. I wish I had put more effort into reminding her each and every day that I love her. Instead of having a down day and beating myself up over lack of motivation, I wish I’d gone to her instead of the quietness of my bedroom. I hope she gets better soon, I need to see her and I need to make much MUCH more time for her.